Building Trust: first step to calm down your crying child!

 We have entered into the world of millennial kids. Life is faster, movies are shorter, workings hours are longer and there is a shortcut for almost everything for them. They want to do tasks quickly which look "ah-esthetically" perfect. 

The image above proves a very strong point that we should approach a situation arrived when the child is ready not that when you have time to fix them. According to best of the psychologists, to build a rapport is the most important task in the first meeting that is, to gain the trust of the client. Even if during the whole 2-3 hours of session the client has not spoken anything but have nodded once to your question " Would you like some water?"; even that is the beginning of the trust that you have got from them. 

A teenager might be unsatisfied with the way they physically appear, and a toddler may be unsatisfied with the number of toys they have. But a thing that would be common in all of them is the way they react. No matter how close you are to them, you are the evilest person in their eyes unless you are able to give them what they desire at that time. 

Remember when you took your child to a local shop, s/he demanded three chips packet instead of one. And when you rejected to address their concern, they started howling! And then you saw some of your relative's children not reacting in a similar fashion if their demands are rejected. You must be thinking 'what's the ninja technique the mother used, which you couldn't", or "why is my child like that?'. 

No Ninja technique there, read below to read some amazing strategies that are clinically proven by psychologists:  

Here's why you should NEVER hug at first to a child who is crying?

No matter how cute this image looks and how much we adore kids; hugs are not always the first right choice. When a child feels sickened and howls for whatever reason there may be, you have already broken their trust. Since the day this child was born to you, s/he has seen you as a parent fulfilling their basic desires without them questioning you. So when they grow up to the age of 3-4 years old, they are unable to bear the rejection of their demands. 

Thus, when the habit of yelling and dragging themselves to the floor begins. They understand that you are also under societal pressure at that time, you'll fulfill their dreams no matter what. 

Few things you must not do:

• Never ever approach a child while standing straight, with crossed hands, and frowning face. 
• Never show them the panic or embarrassment you are feeling because of them in society.
• Never be over-generous and accept their demands and think you'll talk about this to your child when you reach home.
• Never hug the child without their permission, as it will develop a sense of mistrust in them for their life. (in detail below) Also, you are crediting the child's behavior while doing so.
• Never be in hurry to sort the situation such as "just hug-it out", take as much time and attention your child want at that particular time.

Instead: 

• Approach the child while coming to his level with a smile. 
• Calm the child down by telling: "I know you so want this car for your doll house." 
• Now you have their eye contact, that's where build the trust building starts. Once this begins, start to reason them of your rejection. "Remember we went last time out, you demanded me ice cream, I gave you one" (distraction 1), "It was so tasty, you enjoyed it the most. Ahm! I think it looked purple (choose the wrong information deliberatly) then your child will say " No Mumma, it was pink!" (distraction 2). 
• Now your child is calmer, here's the time for some humor, "Mumma is growing like an old peggy nanny!" (use their cartoon character)
• The best time to reason to them is you have their trust now, "Okay listen, you already have two cars for your doll house, this one is already the same as that you have and I think it might not go with the color of your doll house./ Mumma has $10 now, and we need to buy everyday grocery that would cost $7. How much money are we left with? The child will answer the question, "...so I guess we do not have enough money right now to buy this."
• Then end this conversation with a high-five, smile and now the hugs can come if the child is comfortable with you. 

(For your reference)